Things I'll Never Say
by TheRealAmeliaPond
Summary: What if you never got a chance to tell the one who means everything that you loved them? And what if you saw your final opportunity to do so? Would you take it? Or would it end up being just another thing you'll never say? Plz check Ch 2, I changed stuff.
1. Revelations

**Summary: Before Harry defeated Voldemort, he had to let go of someone who he held most dear to himself, someone who's story has previously gone unnoticed. Now that Voldemort is finally gone, can Harry finally win back the love of his life before she makes a huge mistake?**

**A/N: Ugh this took me forever to write but now its up so enjoy, y'all! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters (except for Alex, Dominik and Ana). They are a creation of JK Rowling (complete genius) and i'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**

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**Chapter 1: Revelations**

It was over and done. What he'd been working on his whole life, it was all finally complete. He closed his eyes and rested against his pillows smiled slowly, savoring this moment and trying to hold on to this feeling for as long as he could. He'd known that he'd be relieved, but this feeling was far beyond any relief. It was a mixture of jubilance, excitement, happiness, relief, and, remarkably, he was still at peace. It was probably like best emotion he'd ever felt.

It still felt a little unreal to Harry, that he was already a free man. The whole "Chosen One" affair had been like a death sentence, and now that he was free, he was a little innerved that he had the rest of his life ahead of him, and didn't know what to do with it.

He opened his eyes again. He took in the room, although it was nothing special or out of the ordinary. The room was the typical hospital room: impeccably clean, all white, with innumerable colorful flower arrangements lining the edge of the room giving off enough unbearably strong fragrance to knock out a decent sized horse.

He had been in St. Mungo's for a couple of weeks, suffering mostly from muscle atrophy. The healers had told him that that the Avada Kedavra curse that Voldemort had used on him, though it hadn't killed him and allowed him enough time to use the curse on Voldemort instead and finally finished him off, had caused some of his muscle tissue to deteriorate. They assured him that he was expected to make a full recovery and that he'd be out within another week.

He had gotten the biggest bouquet of all from Ron, Hermione, and Julia, who had said that they didn't think he'd mind what kind of flower they got — Harry not being too much of a flower aficionado — so to show their excitement and enthusiasm, they'd simply bought one of every flower in the store. It may not have been the most artistic arrangement, but he appreciated the thought nonetheless. He was much more interested in seeing Julia, who he hadn't been able to see during the war. She was a tiny little thing, but was still very pretty: she had blue, blue eyes, like the color of the sky on a hot summer's day, but had an unreal ring of electrifying sea foam green around the pupil, with soft, peach fuzz-like hair in the color of cinnamon. When she smiled, she lit up the whole room and Harry simply couldn't get enough of his goddaughter. Neither could Ron. Harry saw by the twinkle in Ron's eye that Julia was his princess.

Then Ginny brought him a bouquet, 7 roses in an assortment of colors: pale salmon, dark pink, and red. The colors, she explained, were each symbolic. The pale salmon symbolized friendship, which they had with each other, the dark pink symbolized thankfulness and admiration, which she had for him, and the red symbolized love, which Ginny insisted was the reason that Harry had defeated Voldemort. Even the number of the roses had a reason: 25 roses was supposed to be a congratulations, but Ginny was a little short on cash, so she'd bought 7 instead (25; two plus five equaled seven). Ginny was really blossoming. She'd started a new job at Hogwarts as an intern under Madam Pomfrey, and she was really looking grown up, wearing a suit (well, actually it was jeans with a blazer, but in her defense it looked very professional anyway). Also she had some exciting news: her and Dominik had just gotten engaged. Harry was ecstatic for the two of them, giving Ginny a big hug. Apparently no dates were being considered at the moment, it was simply set for "whenever," as Ginny put it.

Hagrid had brought him a large, rather dangerous looking carnivorous plant that had eaten a hole in the curtains as it sat upon the windowsill (aka, the farthest place away from him that Harry could manage to put it). It was extremely creepy: it displayed an usual amount of movement, often turning its mouth to the left and right, analyzing the air for traces of flies or other assorted flying insects, and it was a deep, sickly red color around the mouth and the rest was a hideous shade of green. During their visit, Hagrid had been able to play the part of the proud uncle whose nephew could do no wrong, patting Harry on the shoulder (more painful than it sounds when Hagrid does it, but Harry could feel the love) and beaming at him. He even burst into tears and started muttering how proud he was (Harry found that fairly entertaining). But he was still Hagrid: kind, shy, with childlike innocence. And Harry loved him for that.

Mr. and Mrs. Weasley also came to visit. Harry was very pleased to see them because they were the closest thing to a mother and father Harry had ever really known. Not to mention that Mrs. Weasley brought Harry some piping hot onion soup and shepherd's pie. They were both all smiles as they informed Harry of all the goings-on in the Weasley clan, such as the fact that Fleur was now pregnant with her and Bill's second kid, Percy and Penelope were getting married next spring, and Weasley's Wizard Wheezes was flourishing. They also presented him with a card from Fred and George. They said they weren't sure what it was but Fred and George had told them that it was something that had to do with Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. Harry thought it wise to hold off on opening that one, as it was probably something that would burst open and break something, only to find out later that it was a lifetime pass to buy anything at Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. They insisted (in their card) it was the least they could do for the bloke who stopped Voldemort.

The rest were from the rest of the Weasley clan (Percy and Penelope, whom Harry was very relieved to see _sent_ their bouquet, instead of visiting and dropping it off, as well as Charlie, Bill and Fleur).

But strangely Harry heard nothing from Alex. Not that he had honestly expected her to come, not after everything that had happened, but against his better judgement he still wished and hoped and dreamed that she still cared about him.

As he sat there, he realized how much he missed Alex. He missed the way she would laugh and how she would smile. He missed the way she'd joke around and the way her eyes would light up when she was happy. He missed that sugary scent that she wore and how it didn't take courage for her to tell the truth, it was simply second nature. He missed the deep, soulful sayings she always seemed to come up with on a dime and how she'd kick his ass during one on one sessions of Quidditch. He missed how he could talk about anything and she'd listen and offer advice and never judge him. He missed her embrace and her kiss.

But he'd let her go. Wasn't that supposed to comfort him? He'd done what was best for her. Wasn't that what your supposed to do when you're in love? Weren't you supposed to think of them before yourself? Harry forced himself to think these things, even though they brought him no solace.

Suddenly, a knock came at the door.

"Harry?" came a familiar voice. Harry sighed. It wasn't the familiar voice he'd been hoping for.

"Come in," Harry said, trying to sound happy as Hermione walked in with Julia on her hip.

"Good morning," Hermione said, smiling cheerfully as she walked toward Harry's bedside. "Sorry, Ron had an early Auror training session and couldn't come but Julia was being fussy and I thought maybe she missed her godfather." Hermione handed Julia gracefully over to Harry and she cooed happily and her small, toothless mouth curved into a happy smile, and Harry tried to look happy even though he couldn't stop thinking about Alex.

"I brought you some actual food, not the utter crap they serve here," Hermione said, setting down her diaper bag and a plate covered up with plastic wrap on Harry's beside table. Then she reached for the plate, unwrapped it and placed it in front of Harry and took Julia. There were eggs, bacon, toast and sausages, and they were all steaming hot. Harry was pretty sure he was hungry and that this was really good, but he couldn't eat. Not when he knew Alex was out there, and probably in someone else's arms.

"Harry?" Hermione asked with gentle concern, noticing he hadn't done anything but poke aimlessly at his eggs. "Are you okay? You seem… preoccupied."

"It's nothing," Harry said, not looking up from his now mutilated omelet.

"You're still thinking about her, aren't you?" Hermione said after a moment. Harry slowly turned to look at her.

"Yeah," he admitted. "Yeah, I am." He let out a frustrated noise and leaned into the back of the bed. "What am I doing? I'm supposed to be happy that's she's probably found someone else! I'm supposed to be happy that I put her before myself!" Harry paused. "But I'm not."

"Harry, it's all great and fancy to be noble," Hermione said after a moment, "but sometimes you have to do what's best for yourself."

He sat there for a second, letting that one soak in. All his life it'd been for other people, he sure didn't kill Voldemort for his own gain. Giving up Alex was for her best interests. Maybe he needed to do something for himself.

Hermione was onto something.

At that moment there was another knock at the door. Harry looked up expectantly, hoping Alex would be there.

Harry's face fell slightly. It wasn't her. It was Dominik.

"Hey," he said.

"Harry," Hermione said, picking up Julia in her carrier and the diaper bag, "I'm going to go change her so I'll be in the bathroom, 'kay?"

Harry nodded and Dominik moved out of the doorway so Hermione could get through with Julia.

It seemed the comfort level dropped dangerously after Hermione left. Dominik shifted his weight from one foot to the other a couple times and looked around and Harry was uncomfortably aware of how awkward the silence was.

"Was that Julia?" Dominik asked, pointing toward the back of him with his thumb.

"Yeah, she's getting pretty big," Harry noted.

"She looks just the pair of them," Dominik said, smiling. Another awkward silence was creeping in.

"How's everything?" Harry asked.

"Pretty good," he said. "Ana's pretty pissed off right now. She caved and bought the twins a golden retriever puppy and it's not entirely housebroken and it barks into all hours of the night. I swear to god, that dog gets one flea and it's going to set her over the edge."

Harry chuckled. He had a mental image of Ana scrubbing dog pee off the carpet and yelling at the dog till she was red in the face.

"Sounds like Ana," Harry said. They passed a moment in silence, but this time it wasn't strained or uncomfortable, it was just two friends enjoying each other's company.

"Sorry I didn't send any flowers," Dominik said, looking at the numerous bouquets lining the room. "They seemed too… girly."

"No problem," Harry laughed. "The scent of these alone is killing me."

Dominik laughed.

"I hear you and Ginny are tying the knot," Harry said grinning. "Congratulations."

"Oh yeah," he said, a goofy, dreamy grin on his face. "We were out to dinner and I'd been carrying the ring around for a month and I suddenly just knew that it was the perfect time. I stopped her in mid-sentence and got down on one knee and asked her to marry me."

"Good for you mate," Harry said. The two of them passed another moment in comfortable silence, before Harry's curiosity got the better of him.

"How's Alex?"

Dominik's eyes immediately jumped up to look Harry in the eye.

"She's..." Dominik said, trying to say something.

"Something the matter?" Harry asked him.

"Actually, yeah," Dominik said, scratching the back of his head. "Listen, Harry, I promised I wouldn't tell you, but I think you deserve to know."

"To know…?" Harry asked slowly, confused. "I deserve to know what?"

"Before I tell you," Dominik said calmly, like a doctor giving a bad prognosis, "You have to promise not to freak out, because she means well—"

"Wait, who? Alex?" Harry said, interrupting him. "Is she okay? What's the matter?"

Dominik looked at him nervously and took a deep breath.

"She's pregnant."

"What?" Harry choked, as the shock and dread started to fill him up. "Who… who's the…"

"You."

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**A/N: Ooo, cliff-hanger! Joking, anyway hope y'all liked it.**

**I have the next chapter almost all ready but if you want more, you've gotta review. Of course you can review if you didn't like it too. I can take some criticism. **

**Okay, read and review PPL! Oh and i'd like to give a shout out to sum nox, my dear friend and primary editor and my other dear friend, who shall remain nameless because she doesn't have an account on this site, for editing this chapter. Much love to you both.**

**peace, love and granola bars, **

**mmb (mystrymoviebrunette) **


	2. Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

**Hey! Guess who finally decided to update her very first story?**

**Okay, I only have one minor note about this chapter before you start, because I know that not many of you will know this but none of you will ask about it: Via Esperanza is a wizarding village outside of LA. Think of it as the Los Angeles counterpart of Diagon Alley, mixed with a bit of Hogsmeade for the size. Basically lots of shopping and restaurants, but with housing.**

**Anyhoo, enjoy my loves!**

**MMB**

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**Chapter 2: Sitting, Waiting, Wishing**

Harry stalled another minute, simply staring at Alex's door, wondering what he was going to find when he knocked. Was Dominik lying? Was he telling the truth? What if he _was_ telling the truth….

Harry felt his heart start racing. What if Alex really was pregnant? That would mean that… he was a dad. Or going to be one, anyway. Standing there, he realized that he hadn't even really thought the whole thing through. If she really was pregnant, he'd have to get some sort of a job. And a flat. And he'd have to learn how to change a nappy. And feed the baby.

Harry wasn't sure what a scarier prospect was: that Dominik was telling the truth, or that he wasn't.

As much as he was afraid of Alex being pregnant, he was ten times more scared she wasn't. If that was the case, she would without a doubt have found someone new, and he'd never have her. If she was pregnant, then while he'd still be wary about becoming a father, there'd be some semblance of a chance that they could be a family. Provided she'd actually forgive him for what he did.

Harry had just gotten out of the hospital a day ago, just long enough for him to shower, eat, and get a good night's sleep in his own bed. Dominik had quickly explained that she had told him and Ana that she had told Harry about the baby and that they'd worked something out between themselves. Dominik, after becoming suspicious about this clandestine deal between the two of them, had questioned Alex about it until she told him the whole thing. Dominik had urged her to tell Harry, but she refused and forced him not to tell. He had tried to keep it to himself, but after reading all the headlines in the newspaper about Harry and Voldemort's demise, he felt he had to tell him.

Dominik had left almost immediately after that, but not before leaving a place to owl him at, in case he needed anything.

Hermione had managed to be gone for that long (how it had taken nearly twenty-five minutes to change a single nappy was beyond Harry's comprehension), and upon hearing the news simply bit her lip and looked extremely guilty.

"'Mione…?" Harry said accusatorily, as Hermione nervously fiddled with Julia's diaper bag.

"Yeah?" she said in a voice way too high-pitched to be entirely believable.

"_Hermione_!" Harry said, burying his face in his hands.

"I'm sorry!" she said, embarrassed. "Harry, she made me promise! She was so scared, she didn't know how to deal with any of this, and the only thing she wanted from me was my word that I wouldn't say anything!"

Harry sighed, the anger subsiding as the reality set in.

"What am I gonna do?" he asked her.

"Hello?!" Hermione said, sounding like her old, know-it-all self. "You _love_ her! Once you're healed up and discharged, get off your ass and go get her!"

These were the words that Harry kept replaying in his mind as he stood at Alex's door, in an apartment in Via Esperanza. It was one of those fancy-pants, peachy-colored Spanish style buildings, the ones with tile roofs, wiry balconies and ivy covering the outside walls.

Suddenly Harry realized he was starting to back out. He looked down the hallway, contemplating with all his might sprinting down it and never, ever coming back here. He shook his head. No, there was no backing out now. This needed to be done and he had to do it.

He lifted his shaking hand and knocked firmly on the door. For a moment, there was silence, only punctured by the rushing sound of his pulse pounding in his ears.

"Be right there!" came a familiar voice, muffled through the door. At the sound of her voice, Harry felt his stomach clench, the sensation so wonderful and painful at the same time. It was a lot like love, simultaneously the best and worse feeling imaginable.

The door swung open and there was Alex. For a split second, not even long enough to get a decent look at her, they simply stared at each other, without saying a word, before Alex realized that he was actually standing there in front of her -- that he was more than just a dream or a hallucination – and slammed the door in his face.

Harry took a moment to try and comprehend what had just occurred. _Ok,_ Harry thought,_ not exactly the welcome I'd expected._

Suddenly, almost inexplicably, Harry felt a boiling powerful rage brewing inside his chest. He had a right to be, didn't he? He was having a kid and Alex hadn't even had the decency to tell him. She'd said she loved him and that she'd always tell him the truth, and now she'd done this. She'd lied and tried to keep his own child away from him. And if Dominik hadn't come and told him, he'd never have known. And _she_ had the right to slam the door in _his_ face?

"Alex!" Harry yelled through the door, pounding on the door. "Alex! Let me in!"

Behind the door, Alex stood with her back up against the door, feeling the vibrations of Harry pounding on the door shake her body. She ran her hands through her hair feverishly, wondering what she was supposed to do. She knew that she'd have to face him, because if he kept up like this, pretty soon he'd break down her door. She cast a furtive glance at Ana, who was still unaware she hadn't told Harry and looked like she was quickly piecing together the truth, and then at Enrique and Cristina, who looked fearful and confused as to what was going on.

"Tía?" Cristina whimpered, tugging on the hem of Alex's shirt with one hand and holding the arm of her teddy bear with her other hand, and she looked down at her niece. "I'm scared."

"Don't be scared," Alex said softly, her voice shaking as she gently brushed the stray hairs out of Cristina's face. "It's just Harry."

Looking at her, it surprised Alex how much Cristina looked like her. It was, of course, obvious that Ana and Rory were her parents, but Cristina had Alex's sleek straight hair unlike Ana's tight ringlets, Alex's long nose as opposed to Ana's small, rounded nose, and unlike Ana, who was tall and athletically built, Cristina was small and curvy, like Alex.

"Pease let him in," Cristina told her. After another moment of thinking, she added: "I miss him."

"Me too, chiquita," Alex said truthfully. "Me too."

Alex kissed her middle and forefinger and touched them to Cristina's, the way they'd discovered four months ago to give each other a kiss after Alex had gotten to big to bend over, and then touched them to her lips again, managing a little smile for Cristina. Cristina reciprocated the smile and scurried back to Ana. Alex took a moment, taking a deep breath, shaking out the nerves, and blinking back the tears that were threatening to come, and then, with tremulous fingers, turned the doorknob.

For a moment, they just looked at each other, both of them with a million things to say and neither knowing the right way to say it.

Suddenly, Cristina and Enrique broke the silence and ran towards Harry, flinging themselves at his legs.

"Harry! Harry!" they shouted excitedly as Harry fought desperately to stay standing.

"Hey, guys," Harry said with a smile on his face, prying them from his thighs and then squatting down so they were eye level with him. "What have you two buggers been doing?"

"We gotsted a puppy!" Enrique exclaimed happily.

"A puppy?" Harry said excitedly. "What's his name?"

"_Her_ name is Lady," Cristina explained, correcting him.

"Yeah, so much for being a lady," Ana cut in, raising an eyebrow. "That dog has pissed on my carpet five times in one week."

Cristina and Enrique chuckled mischievously.

"Well what else have you been up to?" he asked enthusiastically.

"Oh, Tía is having a baby!" Enrique shouted out excitedly, pointing to Alex's enormous stomach.

"I know," Harry said, still smiling, though it was more forced this time. "Tío came and told me a couple days ago."

Harry's eyes darted up, meeting Alex's in an intense glare.

"Okay, you guys, c'mon," Ana said, Cristina and Enrique, who obediently walked over to their mother, "we have to go home now. Papa's probably wondering what happened to us by now. Say goodbye to Harry and Tía."

Alex walked over to couch where she could properly hug the twins if they stood on the couches.

"Adios, chiquita," Alex said to Cristina, giving her a kiss and hugging her. "Love you." Then Enrique moved forward and Alex hugged him.

"Adios, Enrique." She leaned in to give him a kiss, but he wrinkled up his nose and pushed her away, hiding the little smirk on his face. Alex pretended to look hurt and shocked. "Enrique! Dame un beso!" He shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest. Alex pretended to pout, throwing out her lower lip. "Un besito?" Alex begged, holding her thumb and pointer finger about a centimeter apart. Enrique sighed and rolled his eyes exaggeratedly. He let her give him a kiss on the cheek and she smiled.

Without realizing it, Harry let a smile creep onto his face.

Then the two ran over to Harry and he kneeled down to say goodbye.

"Bye, Harry!" they said in unison, hugging Harry.

"Bye, buggers," Harry said, hoping he'd see them again. He stood up and Ana gave him a hug as well.

"I'm so sorry, Harry," she whispered in his ear.

* * *

_First Year, on the train_

Harry Potter sat looking out the window. Excitement was fluttering in the pit of his stomach. He wondered what this Hogwarts place was going to be like. Would he make friends easily? What sort of things would he be learning? Would he like the teachers? It was nothing more than just wondering though: the place could suck, and he would still love it as long as it kept him from going back to the Dursleys for ten months of the year.

Suddenly there was a strange sound outside his compartment. After closely listening to it for a moment, Harry realized it was someone, a girl probably, speaking very fast in a language he understood absolutely none of. She sounded a little perturbed. Harry couldn't see what she looked like or what the hell she happened to be doing standing outside his compartment, nastily yelling at a person or persons unknown, because of the glare of the sunlight against the glass. He vacated his seat and opened the door.

In the corridor was a girl who looked to be about his age. She was tiny, a full head shorter than him, and slender, not rail thin, but by no means fat. She had long, dark hair and hazel eyes and a thin face, with a long straight nose. By these terms she looked completely unremarkable.

What made her stand out so much was the fact that she was very dark, though not dark like Dean Thomas, a boy Harry had met when they had run into each other on their way onto the train. She was very tanned, her skin containing an exotic, bronzy glow, looking Spanish or South American.

Yet another thing about her was the fact that the receiving end of her foreign-language tirade was her trunk, which she seemed to be having a hard time carrying through the train because of her obvious lack of muscular strength. From the way she was shaking her head, irritated, and wagging her finger at it, Harry was sure she was giving the trunk a few choice words, words that would probably have all the compartments opening up and staring in shock at her if she had been speaking in English.

Suddenly, realizing that this was no longer a private rant, the girl looked up at Harry, and suddenly blushed slightly. Harry noticed that she blushed differently than most of the people here. Everyone Harry had ever seen blush turned red or, in the case of Uncle Vernon, a deep purple. But this girl turned a very gentle, and very pretty, shade of pink.

"Everything okay out here?" Harry asked her, a bemused grin on his face.

"Uh," she said, biting her nail and looking embarrassed. "Yeah…." she chuckled, "Sorry about that."

"Don't worry about it," Harry said. He offered his hand. "I'm Harry."

"Alex," she said, smiling, slipping her hand into his. As he took in her breathtaking smile and her warm eyes, he realized he'd never seen something quite so beautiful.

* * *

She was different than he remembered. She was enormously pregnant, to begin with. Harry kept telling himself not to stare, but when you concentrate on not doing something, then it makes it all the more appealing to do so. It just seemed so _huge_, too big for someone so small. And her hands were constantly fidgeting with something, like smoothing wrinkles out of her shirt, or rubbing her stomach, or on the small of her back, trying to find some leverage to keep her balanced.

And she'd cut her hair. The waist-long mane of sleek, dark hair he remembered was now cut up to just above her shoulders. It looked good on her, more classy and grown up.

The bangs were back too. Not that they looked bad, they looked nice, in fact. But they meant she was that girl again. It meant that _he _made her that girl again. Marvelous.

But something else was different. Something so minor you wouldn't even realize it was missing if you didn't know her well enough.

She wasn't…. glowing. It seemed like a stupid thought, but Harry remembered back when Hermione was pregnant with Julia, even with the bed rest and the war going on, she constantly looked peaceful and content, always smiling. Alex… she looked like she was waging a war with herself. She looked like she was full of restlessness and sorrow, just plugging along, taking everything moment by moment. Kinda like himself.

"Hi," she said softly, almost timidly.

"Hi," he repeated stupidly, not being able to think up anything more intelligent. Alex stared at him for a moment, and then strode into the kitchen. Harry followed.

"Do you want something to drink?" she said steadily, opening the door to the refrigerator. It was unreal to Harry, that she could be so calm and collected about this while he was being a complete mental case about it.

"Er, what do you have?" Harry asked, sitting at the small dining table in the cramped kitchen.

"I have water, milk, soda, beer—"

"Beer?" Harry asked defensively. "Why do you have beer?"

"Relax, Harry," she said, waving him off. "I entertain a lot."

"Oh," he says, tired of his jumpy nerves. "I'll take a beer."

She laughed.

"How did I know?" she asked, sounding a little cocky. For some reason he didn't like the sound of her tone.

"Well, I'm more than a little jumpy if you haven't noticed," Harry said sharply.

"No need to get snippy, Harry," she said calmly, closing the fridge and setting his beer in front of him on the table.

"No need to get snippy?" he repeated incredulously. "I have every right to get snippy."

"Oh, do you?" she asked sarcastically, cautiously lowering herself onto the chair and taking a sip of her V-8.

"Yes, I do!" Harry said, standing up so fast that his beer nearly toppled over, tottering back and forth on the table before steadying. "In case you forgot, you're pregnant with my kid and if it hadn't been for Dominik, I still wouldn't know about it!"

"Oh, so I'm the one in the wrong here?" she said calmly, taking a seat. Alex snorted. "That's rich…"

"Is it?!" he asked. "And why are you so bloody calm about this?!" She sighed heavily and took another sip. "And why," Harry asked, snatching the bottle of V-8, "are you drinking this crap?"

"Excuse you!" she snapped at him, taking back her bottle of V-8. "Pardon me for wanting my kid to healthy and smart!"

"Our kid," Harry corrected her.

"No," she said firmly, shaking her head. "My kid."

"So, what?" Harry said angrily. "Because we're not together, it suddenly doesn't have half my genes?"

"Harry, I've been sitting here for the past nine and a half months, sitting and waiting and hoping beyond hope that you'd come back and apologize for what you did to me!" she shouted at him, standing up. "After that — after what you did — while it may have half your genes, it's still not yours! You lost that right after that night!"

Harry didn't know what to say to that. He just stood there.

"What do you want, Harry?" she asked him, her voice dangerously low.

What did he want? It was a question he'd asked himself a million times before, and only now did he know the answer.

"I want you."

* * *

_First Year, Christmas Holiday_

Harry sat staring into the fire, not even really seeing it. He just kept seeing his parents, their faces, just as clearly as he had in the mirror. Their faces haunted him at all times, puncturing his waking hours with disturbing daydreams and keeping him from sleep at night.

"Harry," Ron said, not gaining his attention. "Harry, the three of us are worried about you. Alex even owled Hermione about it. We don't want you to go back there."

Harry continued to not listen. Frustrated, Ron got up and exited the Common Room without Harry bothering to notice. He didn't really care, either. All that mattered was getting back there.

_Later…_

Harry waited until he heard Ron's loud snoring before he arose from bed. He quickly slipped into his sneakers and grabbed his Invisibility Cloak from under his bed.

He scurried silently down the stairs, careful not to wake anyone in the process. When he entered the Common Room, he unfolded his cloak, proceeding to cover himself with it as he walked towards the door.

"Someone's up late," said a familiar voice. Harry jumped and turned around.

Alex was sitting on the couch, sitting cross legged with a blanket around her. Her hair was in two long braids with her bangs down, wearing a pair of pink pajamas and slippers.

"Where you going?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Nowhere," he said automatically.

"Really?" she said, standing up. She looked at the cloak, which Harry had dropped out of surprise. "That makes sense, I always take my Invisibility Cloak with me when I'm going nowhere."

"Alex— "

"Sit," she ordered, turning around and retaking her seat on the sofa. Harry sat down in the armchair.

"I know you were going to the mirror, so please don't bother denying it," Alex began, sounding just like Hermione with her business-like tone. "And I'm telling you right now that you have to stop."

"No," Harry said point-blank. "You don't get it…"

"Don't pull that with me, Harry," Alex said coldly. "You can try it with the rest of them, but you don't get to pull the whole 'boohoo-my-parents-died' card with me. Feeling sad or depressed about it is one thing, but it is _not _an excuse."

Harry remained silent.

"Harry, don't tell me I don't understand," she said, her voice a little softer, leaning toward him. "Because I do. My mom… she died about a year ago. And while my dad _is_ alive, he might as well be dead, for all the good he's done me. I understand the desire, the _need_ to feel like they're close to you. But this, this mirror. What it shows you isn't real. What you feel isn't real. And if it's not real…"

"Then what?" Harry asked, sounding sarcastic.

"Then it doesn't _mean_ anything," she explains emphatically, looking like she wants so desperately for me to understand. "I'm not saying it doesn't feel like it's something, but it isn't, and so you'll always want the real thing when you can never find it."

He just stared at her. He'd never found anyone who could so eloquently describe what she was thinking. Or someone who would just cut through the crap and get right to the point.

"You'll go crazy sitting in front of that mirror, waiting for them to be real," she said sympathetically. "Your parents wouldn't want that. They want you to experience _real _life. You may not know it but you want real life too."

"What is real?" Harry asked.

"You are," she says simply. "This place is. Hermione's real, Ron's real. I'm real." She smiled softly, revealing just a sliver of pearly white teeth. "If you don't know now, you will. Just trust what you feel. Then you'll know what you want."

"Okay," Harry said carefully, trying to figure out what he felt.

"Okay, let's go to bed then," she said, getting up and yawning. She extended his hand out to him, and he took it and stood up.

"G'night Harry," she yawned as the two of them reached the split in the staircase. Harry, who was in mid-yawn as well, was poised to reciprocate her goodnight when something highly unexpected happened.

Alex took a step towards Harry and kissed him on the cheek. She then hugged him rather tightly for someone so small.

"We love you, Harry," she said softly in his ear. "Hermione, Ron and me. That's real."

She stepped back, quickly smiled that smile of hers that could light up a room, and proceeded up the staircase.

In the span of about a millisecond, caressing with his fingertips the spot on his cheek where her lips had touched, Harry suddenly realized _exactly_ what he felt.

"Alex!" he shouted up the girls' staircase. After a moment she retreated down the stairs.

"Yeah, Harry?" she said, an expectant look on her face.

Looking back on that moment, Harry realized that he could've prevented all of the fallout he was experienced in the present in this one moment. Every thing could've been different, if only he could've told her the four words she needed to hear back.

"Never mind," Harry said bashfully, grinning stupidly. "I'll tell you later."

"Okay," Alex nodded, already turning around the corner. "See you tomorrow."

"Okay," Harry said weakly, ignoring the let down. He'd be able to tell her later. There was time.

There was always time.

* * *

**YAY! IT'S FINALLY UP! rejoicing and fanfare ensue**

**Okay you guys now it's up to you. I am begging you gets down on knees and clasps hands together PLEASE PEOPLE! Review! Even if its only "great chapter! can't wait for an update!" although I'd prefer more, that would suffice. But I really want some feedback on this.**

**Okay, Happy Belated Valentine's Day to you all!**

**MMB**


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